In which your narrator expresses remorse for being a Bad Person

July 16, 2008 at 11:09 am 5 comments

I just got a call a little while ago from a vendor I work with asking me to rate their service on a support call I placed like eleventy billion years ago (read: last week). I don’t remember this support call, because it was one of many I made that week and I pretty much am on autopilot when I make these calls, anyway. Basically, I’m reading information out of an email from the technician who actually knows what he’s talking about, probably while playing Text Twist or looking at Defamer or something.

Here is a re-enactment:

me: Thank you for calling _______, this is Amber.
Survey Lady: Hi, this is Survey Lady from Overly Attentive Technology Vendor. Do you have time to take a survey to rate your satisfaction with how we dealt with support call # ______ dated 7/7/08?
me: Um, not really.
Survey Lady: Pleeeease?
me: Okay, but I make a lot of calls, and I don’t really remember the experience you’d like me to rate.
Survey Lady: [ignoring my protestations] Please rate the following on a scale of 1-5:
[laundry list of various “do we suck or rule” questions.]
me: 4 … 4 … 4 … 4 … 4 … 4, I guess … let’s go with 4 … and, you guessed it: 4.
Survey Lady: How likely is it that you would use our services again?
me: Lady, I don’t have a choice, I call when something’s broken and we need you to fix it.
Survey Lady: [admirably sticking to her script] So how likely would you say?
me: Well, very likely I guess.
Survey Lady: How would you rate the overall experience with our company?
me: Totally fine until I had to take this survey.
Survey Lady:
Survey Lady: Um, okay, then. Have a good day.


Okay, so I was an asshole. In my defense, these customer satisfaction surveys are a huge intrusion and have got to stop. The data is not helpful. I know, because I’ve worked for other companies that do them online, and no one ever does anything useful with the information. And if you’re going to insist on these bullshit surveys, why oh why would you bother me by phone? Give me a link to do it online! It’s 2008, heard of Survey Monkey? Sure, I probably won’t actually do the survey. But, you know, I frankly find it a shitty customer experience to have my day interrupted by a persistent wage slave calling me with a script full of a bunch of meaningless questions and requesting that I respond using arbitrary number scales. Do not want.

On the other hand…that’s her job. She was doing her job. It’s a shitty job, and I probably just made it shittier by being an asshole. That lady has to hang up with me and call someone else who’ll probably be an asshole to her, too. And, you know, if that were my job, I’d really want to become an hero after a few weeks.

So now I kind of want to call back and ask for the representative who I was snarky to and tell her I’m sorry and that I shouldn’t have taken it out on her. But I can’t remember her name, because I didn’t bother to actually remember she’s a human being. Sigh.

So, Survey Lady, this is the best I can do: I am sorry that my crappy mood and frustration caused me to fling poo at you, rather than to tap into the empathy within me for people with shitty jobs.


Entry filed under: work. Tags: , , , , , .

Pride and Prejudice Hugest Pet Peeve Ever, Or At Least For Today:

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Dan Waldron  |  July 16, 2008 at 11:16 am

    Great Blog post. I am going to bookmark and read more often. I love the Blog template if you need any assistance customizing it let me know!

  • 2. Gordon  |  July 16, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    You win the internet for referencing the ED “An Hero” article.

  • 3. Ed  |  July 16, 2008 at 1:43 pm

    You have moved your mouse. Logitech would like to hear about your mouse-moving experience. Would you mind dropping everything else you’re doing to fill out a brief 10-page questionnaire?

  • 4. Tif  |  July 16, 2008 at 9:49 pm

    I had a job one summer when I was 17 as one of those survey ladies. Worst job ever! Though I liked when people were weird with me because it made for good stories. My first call was to a woman at a funeral. That was uncomfortable.

    Your job depended on how many surveys you could complete, the worst was getting like, over half way through a horribly stupid survey about soda pop satisfaction and have a person be all, “I’m sorry, this is stupid, I have real shit to do.”

    But seriously – the surveys took like, at least 15-20 minutes and you had to stick to the survey verbatim or you could get in trouble if your survey was being surveyed. I’d never do it and agree with the person doing the survey that this was the most ridiculous set of questions ever posed from one person to another.

    What a shitty shitty job. I’m only glad I had it because I still enjoy telling people that I once spent an entire summer calling strangers and asking them if they’ve enjoyed Fresca in the past 6-9 months, and if so, was it an enjoyable experience?

  • 5. Nora Bee  |  July 17, 2008 at 10:43 am

    I enjoyed your mamapop coffee thing so much I stopped by for more. A poorly designed survey is a frustrating thing, and I bet that lady has heard as much before, even if she didn’t write it. Sweet apology.


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