The Murtaugh List
June 16, 2009
A few months ago, there was this hilarious episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted makes a list of things he’s too old for called “The Murtaugh List.” The Murtaugh List is named for Danny Glover’s character in Lethal Weapon. Allow me to illustrate:
While 28 is not particularly old, it can often feel pretty ancient when so many of your friends from school are between six and eight years your junior. I didn’t really think there was much of a difference between 22 and 28 until I started running with a gang of 21-22 year olds. Now, with more regularity than I care to admit, I find myself muttering, like Murtaugh, “I’m too old for this shit.”
Because I am a goody two-shoes, this has mostly been made evident this year when I have tried to pull the ol’ all-nighter (which, incidentally, is on Ted’s Murtaugh List as well). Without fail, somewhere around 4 am, I feel like crying, and the next day I’m completely useless. Long gone are the days I could at least pretend to be semi-conscious after an all-nighter. Now I’m lucky if I can make it to the other side of 2 am.
Now that it’s summer, I am learning new things to put on my Murtaugh list. This weekend I went out twice in a row dancing and boozing. It is now Monday and I still feel like a 90-year-old woman with osteoporosis. Yesterday was worse — my feet felt like they would snap off at the ankles if I stood up. What the fuck, I ask you? I’m under 30. Isn’t this what we under 30s are made for?
I am also apparently too old to be unemployed and really enjoy doing nothing all day. I mean, the downtime has been nice and all, but I’m already kind of bored. Thankfully, I’ve made it pretty certain I can keep busy. For one, I have the blogging here and at MamaPop. I’ll also be studying for the GRE starting next week, as I mentioned yesterday, and I might also attempt the LSAT because I’m a freak and I kind of love standardized tests (probably because I’m good at them). Also mentioned yesterday, I will also be participating in Infinite Summer, which is a big internet book club wherein participants read Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace from June 21st to August 21st. I’ve read it three times, and I know it shouldn’t actually take me three months to read, but I may go ahead and stick to the 75 pages a week with the others and devote the rest of my reading time to other books in my queue.
So what else is on my Murtaugh List? Well, I’ll tell you:
- eating whatever I want without getting heartburn
- rock shows where the bands don’t start until 10 pm
- Jager Bombs
- MTV
So what’s on your Murtaugh List?
Entry Filed under: dumbfuckery, friends, life stuff, school. Tags: all-nighters, drinking, friends, how i met your mother, murtaugh list.
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1.
LaTina | June 16, 2009 at 10:22 am
I loved that episode! I, too, empathized with Ted (though Barney trying to do everything on Ted’s list was HILARIOUS), and I find myself saying, “I’m too old for this shit” all the time as well. And I’m only 26. Having a baby totally makes me old, though. A few years ago I participated in two field marine science classes where we traveled to Maine and then Spain, which basically meant I spent a month drinking my life away (especially in Spain, where we stayed out til AT LEAST 5 a.m. most nights) and still managing to do productive scientific things. If I tried that now, I think I would die. ‘Cause I’m too old for that shit.
2.
Ed | June 16, 2009 at 11:42 am
When I was DJing at raves, my time slot was usually 5:00am or later, especially if I was spinning at an afterparty. Most of the time I was the one to drive everyone home. I have no idea if I could pull that off any more. I was 32 the last time I did that, about 15 years ago.
Eating whatever I want *period* went away about ten years ago.
I guess in general, doing the kinds of things that fed into the defining characteristic of my 20’s–that something major in my world changed about every six months–categorically make up my Murtaugh list. I don’t miss the drama that usually accompanied those things.