Winter Break Blahs December 23, 2007

I have had absolutely no Christmas joy this year, and I hate to admit it, but it’s because I have not gone shopping. I can’t really afford to. While I will spend time with my family, which is the most important part, I feel a little guilty that I haven’t bought tokens of my affection for my husband, sister and parents. I know that I have good reasons—things like tuition and car repairs come first, and everyone is very understanding—but that doesn’t stop me from being pretty bummed about the whole thing.

Andrew did buy me a CD yesterday, the soundtrack to I’m Not There, which I am currently enjoying with coffee at the coffee shop down the street. I have developed a Sunday ritual since the middle of the quarter, where I go to a coffee shop other than the one I always hang out in and where everyone knows me, and enjoy some time alone, listening to music and either working (during the school term) or reading. I have read three books since the quarter ended, and have three more waiting for me on the nightstand. I forgot how wonderful it feels to read for pleasure, and I hope to make time for it during the next quarter, though that’s probably a futile thing to hope for. I’m taking 12 credits, working somewhere between 20-30 hours and probably volunteering for DVSAS (Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services) of Whatcom County.

This break isn’t actually much of a period of rest, either. I am working full time during the school break, and brushing up on pre-calculus so I can pass the math assessment test and prove my mediocre grasp of college-level algebra, or else I will be sentenced to the purgatory of Math 99 before I get my transfer degree, which would be tragedy. Also, I still have three essays to write for my application to WWU and my supplementary application to the school’s interdisciplinary studies college, Fairhaven College. On top of it, there are the holidays and my sister’s visit. Spending this Sunday lazing in solitude feels all the more necessary in light of all that, yet I can’t help feeling I should maybe work on a couple math lessons or an essay.

I think maybe my New Years Resolution will be to drop the guilt complex thing. It’s pretty tired.